As i crotchet back and forth and back and forth repeatedly, i've learned that each knot is part of the journey, each row is one task completed and each color is a phase through which i am getting closer to my goals. As i move from fall (orange color) into winter (blue color) i find myself going inward and starting a new. I have been focused on my inner self and processing through school. I have broken down, hibernated and rebuilt myself to better support what is to come. Spring (green) is what is arising and with this beginning a new part of my journey, i am stuck here....going back and forth, back and forth. I am at a place ready to bloom, changing my colors and preparing for new things to arise. As my education and experience at jfku is coming to an end, i am unsure of what my next steps are. I fear summers arrival and im stuck in spring wanting to bloom but failing to get enough rain and sunshine necessary. I am scared that i am not prepared, that i am not good enough, that i am not ready and that i will disappoint everyone, even myself. What i've learned recently is that i need to ask for help and that everything i need is only questions away. I have to take risk to help prepare myself for whats to come and that much of whats to come, is unknown. It is ok to stay in spring for the rain and sunshine to come, because it will, i will be ready to bloom with time and motivation, it will happen. What i cannot do is avoid the sunshine and rain in fear of blooming, i will only resort back to fall and winter and restart this part of my journey. I am waiting for the rain and sunshine, my leaves are open and im reaching for help and guidance. I may be traveling back and forth and back and forth, but im gaining my rain and sunshine one row at a time..... my colors begin to show row by row. Im taking the steps necessary to get the experience i need. I am not executing enough of these steps and i must push myself, i must take the risk to reach summer.
